The Other Track Mind

[27 May 2006: OK, I give up! If you opened this link as a result of searching for Kevin and Andrew Atherton's image, can you PLEASE leave me a comment here and explain how you came across MY post? I've tried removing the image and removing the link, but nothing seems to work and people are still directed here to a post that has nothing to do with these good looking twins. I feel bad for you guys being lured into this useless blog after searching for something much more worthwhile looking at.]

No, this isn't about what you think. And in fact I'm going to disappoint you and not discuss this topic at length. For a very simple reason - I don't care to talk about Sports as much as men do, and that's their "other track mind."

You get a man going about a sport event, and for the next 60 minutes, as your eyes glaze over, he will regurgitate every minute of the game. I find that as exciting as listening to someone tell me the full storyline scene-by-scene of a movie or a book - "there's a reason why you're not an author or movie director!"

Don't get me wrong, I love sports. I love participating. Can't stand watching. Well, I take that back, if we're talking men Olympic gymnastic events, that's a whole different ball game. But of course so is watching Kevin and Andrew Atherton at Cirque Du Soleil.

So yes, I can tolerate knowing that men watch sports. No big surprise there. But why, oh why, do we have to listen to them discuss every single boring pass of the ball to someone who's already seen it!

I'd rather listen to some technical terms thrown into a conversation that bears no relevance, than listen to "oh man, you should have seen that pass. He barely made it." And of course, they'll argue with you that every game is different and it's never the same. I suppose to someone with short term memory or advanced alzheimers it must be ("oh what honey, no, I don't recall you saying I need to take the trash out").

Okay, enough of this mini-rant. I said I wouldn't talk about it, didn't I?!

No, I was going to talk about a subject that I want to talk about, and yes, I will admit it was WL's suggestion that I bring this up. And this is definitely a better topic of discussion than sports.

The guy I work with pees into a bucket hanging on the wall. To throw a technical term in here, it's being referred to as a urinal. So you're thinking - oh man, this is what she's going to talk about? Well, yeah, because this is a very special urinal. We're talking 21st-century-advanced- Technologically-ahead-of-its-time (and possibly should have stayed there). We're talking a brilliant idea of a drunk guy on crack. So you're thinking, "Ok, it's a bucket, what could possibly be changed about that?!"

Well, it's a WATERLESS urinal! For you women out there, who like me, have never ventured into a men's public bathroom, let me explain that typically a urinal has a method of flushing the business with water (just like a normal bathroom). For a full technical description of how a urinal works, feel free to check out wikipedia. Now some designs go above and beyond functionality, such as the Kisses urinal, but that's probably worthy of a whole new post.

So back to our waterless urinal. First time WL encountered this "great invention" was on this jobsite (it's a government building I'll remind everyone). The problem - this is a retrofitted urinal, which means the previous location of the button to flush was covered by a plastic plate. It took several attempts at pressing a plastic plate to the wall, before WL figured this isn't going to work and no water will come out of that fixture. That's when he found the sign that clearly explains what he's dealing with and that we're talking pure gravity and no other chemical or mechanical flushing techniques. Needless to say he was preplexed enough to share this with me months later.

So I'm trying to rationalize this idea and I try to convince WL, "but it's probably made of some material that doesn't catch all the odors." WL looked incredulously at me and says, "Odor free, my ass!" Well, that cleared it up!

Then his eyes lit up and he proceeds to tell me, "Wait, this isn't the entire story! I found out that the guy at this government agency who came up with the idea has a little one..." as he holds his forefinger and thumb apart to demonstrate the size. This is where I could no longer hide my laugh. "WL, that's too much information!" But he was too enthusiastic to stop and think back to what he just said, and continued, "...in his cubicle!"

The story continues, "I once went up to this office, and saw a small model of this same urinal at this one cubicle. I knew right away this is the guy who must have been really proud to save the government some money by ordering this amazing fixture. I considered using that tiny urinal right there and then. And it sits on top of his computer monitor!"


Jewish men wake up every morning and say a prayer to thank God who didn't create them a woman. I strongly believe the Jewish men working at this government agency are re-evaluating their morning prayers. At the same time, I've added one to my bathroom ritual - "Thank God, some crazy man hasn't come up with a waterless bathroom for women."

Toda la'el hayom yom shishi!