Jewish Moms

I have a Jewish mother (well, duh! How else would I be a secular Jew?!). I'm sure all of you have heard the stereotypical jokes about Jewish mothers. For me it's no joke. It's reality. In fact, she's not only a Jewish mother, but she's a Polish Jewish mother (double whammy right there!).

When I first moved thousands of miles away, my mother would call me twice a week. It could be 85 degrees Farenheit outside and she'd ask me if I took a sweater in the morning (because you just never know when hell is going to freeze over and you won't have a sweater with you). After ten years here, on one of her calls she asked me one of those silly questions about the sweater, so I said, "Mom, I've lived here ten years! When are you going to let go?"
Mom: "You know what the difference is between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mom?"
Me: "No."
Mom: "The Rottweiler eventually lets go!"

This weekend as I paid homage to the bathroom God, I heard the phone ring. Well, I'm not one of those who takes the phone with her inside the sanctuary. So I let it ring. When I got out I looked at my cellphone and noticed "1 missed call" as well as a message on my home number. The message was from my father who sounded really worried (very unusual for him!), because he wanted to hear what I thought about a DVD he had sent me. I didn't pick up the phone right away, and preferred to email. But between listening to the message and getting on my computer I was slightly distracted for ten minutes before sending the email (my husband refers to it this reaction as "oooh, something shiny"). Not even one minute after I clicked 'send' my cellphone rings. My mother was on the phone this time.

Mom: "Where have you been??? We tried calling you, we emailed you. No answer. What happened? Is everything okay?"
Me: "MOM, I was in the bathroom! Am I not allowed to visit my sanctuary whenever I want to?"
Mom: "Yes, but you didn't even answer our emails..."
Me: "Mom, I didn't get any emails!"
Mom: "That's besides the point. Your dad and I were worried because we know your husband is out of town and you weren't answering the phone. We thought something happened."
Me [laughing uncontrollably]: "So when my husband is out of town I'm not allowed to visit the bathroom anymore?!"

So yeah, I lost another phone battle.

I should tell you about my other battles, such as when they send emails and call me to ask why I haven't responded yet (five minutes later). Or when they text message me on the cellphone and I don't reply right away then they immediately assume I must have been in a car crash, or at the hospital.

Funny thing: The one time I went to the Emergency Room and left on crutches, my mother didn't find out 'til two weeks later!

Yesterday I finally watched the DVD which is basically an hour presentation of all the photos my dad took while visiting Jerusalem last month. Awesome presentation along with beautiful choice of music. I would have loved to share it with everyone I know, but it is an hour long and it's Hebrew music and not everyone appreciates foreign music.

This morning I sent an email to my parents telling them how much I loved the the DVD. Then, in accordance with our family rules and regulations, I text messaged my dad to tell him I sent him an email. Ten minutes later my mother called me to give me an explanation about the DVD and the places I saw.

I learned something new and quite interesting. There's this place in Jerusalem where Utah sends 20-40 mormon students. This place sits on a beautiful hillside with a beautiful view, and they allow visitors to watch Jerusalem from this place. Well now everyone is thinking "Mormons, aren't those the ones on the bikes that go door to door and try and convert you in the U.S.?" **
So here's the thing, before they are sent to Israel they sign a contract that forbids them from talking religion or politics while in Israel. It's so strict that when my mother approached one of them to ask him what Mormons believe in, he refused to answer explaining that they signed a contract that forbids them from trying to convert any Jew in Israel.

Just so you don't think they're the only ones who have these restrictions - the Bahai faith has the same restriction. I love religions that have so much respect for the Jewish land. It's nice that they live and let live. I wish it were true for all religions around the world.

Yes, it's been a culture shock for me to learn about missionaries when I first moved to the U.S. - we just don't have them in Israel, and Judaism is not a missionary religion. (TC, any jokes - welcome!)


** WL told me to add here that when they get to his door, he puts on his tinfoil hat, and when they ask him why he's wearing it, he stares at the sky in a frightened, paranoid look and says, "I don't want the aliens to read my mind!"