My encounter with the law

So today I had to admit in public on the internet that I never got a speeding ticket, but I did get ticketed for jaywalking. I'm very embarrassed about it, but maybe it's time I told my story and got rid of that stupid feeling.

This was back in 1988 as I was walking downtown in my hometown in Israel, in my Navy uniform on the way to the base. I was walking down a short dead end road that was a continuation of a major intersection downtown, but was pretty much empty from traffic during the day (there'll be another story posted about this road at night).

This road led to the entrance to the Naval Port. But in order to get to the entrance I had to cross the road. I stopped at the curb and looked to the left, where the traffic controlled crosswalk was located less than 60 meters to my left. I figured, in my infinite wisdom, that looking to my left was sufficient, since there was no risk of any traffic coming by to kill me from the right of a dead-end road with no cars. Of course, there was still a risk that a U.S. Navy Ship Destroyer may run aground at the dock to my right, and possibly "float" mysteriously a mile across the dock to reach this road; and there was also the possible risk that one of our two Israeli submarines at the time (it's been more than seven years now, so I can talk about it), may have come up from underneath me by some unforeseen chain of events - but I was willing to take the risk and only check the left side before crossing the road.

As I stood there watching all the people ready to cross the street, I waited "with them" for the green light to come on. By my common sense and logic, once they start crossing the road, I'm safe and can cross the road at the same time, feeling quite smug about the fact that no car could run me over without running over all those people first, and by then I'd be across the street anyway.

As I reached the other side, I realised a catastrophic mistake, one that I will never forgive myself. While I did consider the consequences and risks involved in not looking to the right, I neglected to evaluate and calculate the chances of being intercepted by a cop straight ahead across the street!

When I was done crossing the street, the cop called me over and said, “Soldier! Do you realize you are risking government property by crossing less than 60 meters from the crosswalk?!” At which point I searched the deepest cells of my memory trying to recall if I had an invisible gun (government property?) on me, or possibly the national flag (definitely government property). When I failed to come up with any results, I began searching the other gray cells - was I singing the national anthem while crossing the street? Was I not in tune? Did the cop hear me sing? But I don't sing in public (only when driving alone in my car), so it was quite evident that I should look for a hidden camera. This quick search resulted in nothing of importance.

When the cop noticed my puzzled look she said, “When you wear this military uniform you are government property!”

She slapped a 60 shekel fine on me, when my monthly salary was 85 shekels! The nerve!!!

I was quite shocked because I had never in my life spoken to a police officer, and this wasn’t something I had in mind for a first encounter. I got back to my base and went to my commander to explain why I was late. After everyone finished laughing at me and causing me irreversible mental trauma, the unit's chief of staff took me aside and explained some facts about life – “You take them to court! It will take them two years to get to your ticket, by which time you’ll be out of service and earning 20 times as much as now, and 60 shekels will not be a big deal to pay then.” That was in the worst case scenario. The best case scenario would be that the cop would forget to show up to court, and by default the ticket would be dismissed.

Well, common sense hit me hard at this point, and I realised I had a very smart chief of staff. I took them to court. Sure enough by the time it got to court (to which I didn’t show up and “lost the case” as a result) – I had a job that paid far more, and the 60 shekels fine was no longer my entire monthly salary.

Now…did I learn from this exercise not to jaywalk ever again? You betcha! First, I’m in the U.S. and I don’t have 60 shekels to save my @ss. Second, I drive everywhere.

But what struck me as funny today is someone's comment to me saying – “slow ticket writing day for that cop, huh?” Well, this never crossed my mind. I always thought I was evil, evil, evil for crossing the road at a dead-end and 59 meters from the nearby crosswalk and for risking government property. I will never live down this shame. But now I do hope this cop gets a speeding ticket the day she retires.