Forgiving

Forgiving is not one of my qualities. There's something about growing up in the shaddow of Holocaust survivors that doesn't let you forgive anyone. I'm an expert at carrying a grudge, not forgiving, not apologising and never forgetting. Maybe this is part of growing up secular with no religious guidance that instructs me to forgive nor to apologise.

Somewhere I'd like to think that part of the process of growing up means learning to forgive. Maybe I don't have to forget, but I should still learn to forgive.

Everyone has been following the news about our Israeli prime minister in a coma at the hospital. For the first couple of days I wasn't sad. I guess some people expect me to say I was even ashamed to be happy about it. I'm not ashamed. Nor am I alone. Many of us Israelis cannot forgive him for his actions. Some of us will not forgive him for Lebanon 25 years ago and for sending thousands of our young soldiers to their deaths by lying to the Prime Minister at the time. Some of us will not forgive him for pulling out of Gaza and for destroying the lives of so many Jewish settlers.

I fall into the first category - those who cannot forget Lebanon. Lebanon was the war of my brother's generation. The war that took my brother's best friend. The war that took the brothers of my best friends. The war that had the largest impact on my generation.

Sharon never apologised for it. He did not apologise for the results of his actions.

But his actions twenty years later became an apology to many Israelis. He went against his party's political line and realised that the only solution is two states for two nations. He was couragious enough to stand against his party and pull out of the Gaza strip. Many Israelis forgave him for Lebanon after he pulled out of Gaza. My mother among them.

My last conversation with my mother this week wasn't easy for me. We don't discuss politics very often (because we always agree). But this time we hit a disagreement. Here I was - not willing to forgive Ariel Sharon for Lebanon, and there was my mom, a holocaust survivor and someone who stood by all her best friends as they lost their sons to Israel's wars - forgiving him for Lebanon.

I ended up questioning my own thinking, and for the second time in my life decided to listen to my mother's wisdom and accept it. Of course I will never admit this to her (because I cannot bear the thought of apologising), but I will admit it here in public.

I was wrong to rejoice on Sharon's fall. He made a mistake, but did so under his beliefs that he was right. I cannot expect him to apologise for Lebanon. But he realised the mistake of his party line and redeemed himself by pulling out of Gaza.

I may not agree with his methods, I may not forget his mistakes - but I do respect him for realising his party was wrong and for doing something about it. My biggest hope is that whoever comes after him will continue his path for establishing a Palestinian state and giving peace a chance.

P.S. I hope Sharon pulls out of this, even if only to annoy the hell out of the asshole in Iran .