One more drink

The company's holiday party was wonderful as usual, with dancing, food and plenty of alcohol. While I don't like the taste of alcohol it's been a rather convenient excuse for me not to drink. Thing is, even if I did like it, I wouldn't touch it. I'm too scared of getting drunk enough where I'd say something that I'll end up regretting later (as if I don't already engage in this risky behaviour...).

But eventhough I don't drink myself, I get pretty "high" on just being around people. And sometimes with the right mix of people I end up making a fool of myself just as much as any other drunk in the room. Thankfully, by then everyone else is so drunk they don't notice me.

For some strange reason people perceive me as someone naive or not much of a party person, just because I don't drink alcohol, smoke, or swear. So it came as a complete surprise to the three drunks in my car on Saturday night that this was not my first time driving a bunch of drunks around, and that for seven years I drove drunks in my car almost every single week. Why? Because I love partying and every chance I got I was out at a bar or a club with the sailors who visited Israel on their med cruise. If I had a choice, I'd be going out to a bar every weekend, to enjoy the music and company of other fascinating people. I honestly don't need a drink to have fun, laugh, and enjoy life.

Sure, sometimes I'm at a disadvantage because I find discussions about favourite drinks as boring as discussions about sporting events. But it's rare to come across a fanatic who can discuss only alcohol for an entire evening. Typically, a good drunk changes topic once every two minutes, which makes for a very interesting discussion and quite a few laughs for those of us who are completely sober. Then there are those drunks who go in cycles. Once in ten minutes, they repeat the same story again. With every repetition the story evolves further (and for some strange reason it receives more laughs from other drunks with each iteration). This often turns out to be a hilarious way of spending an evening. And as the evening progresses, there's an increase in vocal volume, because apparently drunk people lose their capability to use the inside-voice, or maybe they just don't hear as well. This turns out particularly funny when they attempt to whisper a secret and people across the room can hear it.

So on the way home, as I drove three drunks in my car, I dealt with "oops, I spilled my coffee on my white coat and now it's a dalmatian" through "I need to go pee behind your car" (while I'm driving!). Within the half hour drive my head was exploding with two devout Catholics in the backseat trying to talk to me about the 12 apostles, racism in America, and BJ's, while my husband picks up on one word from their sentences and begins singing "we all live in a yellow submarine" and "Benny and the Jets." Sometime when they're all sober, I'd like to ask them how the 12 apostles turned out in the same sentence with BJ's and the Beatles.

Apparently, the fact that I don't drink makes me not only the designated driver, but the designated conscience. After this weekend's holiday party my friends called to apologise for their behaviour, or to ask if they said or did anything socially unacceptable. Thing is that as far as I know, I was the only one not drinking - therefore everyone else were equally drunk to notice other people's behaviour and no one is going to remember.

Another good reason not to drink - I'd rather remember when I have a good time. So here's to future good times and remembering them all. And here's to all of you who enjoy drinking and provide us sober people with hours of entertainment and laughs to last forever. You guys rock!