Storming door

I'm an alien living in the U.S. I've been an alien for 13 years now. Legal and all, yet not a citizen. One would think that after 13 years in this country I'd get used to all things American, but it isn't as easy as you'd expect. There are some things that still baffle me about Americans. There are some American inventions that confuse me. And then there's the ...storm door. This must be the most idiotic American invention of all.


I did a quick search on Google and couldn't figure out who invented it and what was the purpose originally, but this has got to be an American invention because I don't recall seeing this in any other country I've visited in my life (between 15 and 20).

I cannot for the life of me figure out what is so appealing about a glass door that smacks you in the back as you try and open the wooden door beyond it. I did understand fairly quick where the name came from. "Storm Door" - it means that when it's storming outside with winds, hail, snow and worst of all - rain - this door will be one more extra barrier between you and the shelter you seek. It's a storm door. Once you open it, it storms you from behind. Smacks you in any part of your body that you neglected to insert into the next door fast enough.

Some American a long time ago who enjoyed chasing hurricanes, tornadoes and snow storms figured that in order to get a good glimpse of a storm one has to have a storm door. Heck, it's so much fun watching all the people outside scramble for shelter. It's even funnier to watch them carry their shopping bags from the car (or horse buggy) to their own storm door, only to fumble about trying to figure out how not to put the bags down on the wet ground, while opening two doors, where one is a horizontal guillotine.

This same American hated kids and he came to the conclusion that one way to punish kids from trying to knock on his door is to create an additional barrier that is more than likely going to slam on their little fingers and possibly amputate them. Note that this has to be male, because no female would have thought up of such a torture device.

What baffles me in all this is that supposedly Americans like to keep one of their wooden doors open while the storm door allows full visibility of the front of the house. But that window right next to the front door has the blinds pulled over, because dog forbid any natural light comes in through the window. You know what, if you want to view the street, get rid of the storm door, pull apart the $*#&ing blinds over your window and let the sun shine in!

And if you're going to invite me over to visit you, take that storm door down or place a heavy dog or cat to keep it open when I arrive, because there's nothing I hate more than having to open a storm door and enter a house with a very unwelcoming smack on my back. It damn well hurts! I don't appreciate this American invention. Move it to your own bedroom if you like being smacked on your behind so much.