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Hybrid Thoughts

7/31/2007

A sad event and a question

I know, I know. I should be standing in the corner for not making use of my "retirement" and post more. But somehow this has become a busier lifestyle than having a full-time job.

I promise to write sometime this week. Maybe even tomorrow. But once I start writing, it'll very likely be several posts in one day. So be prepared to read different things at one time. Or maybe I'll just save as draft and post later so as not to bore everyone.

In the meantime, I need some advice from everyone as I am not familiar with American customs. We moved to a single family home in a wonderful neighbourhood six months ago. This weekend, our next door neighbour passed away. We knew she was very ill and dying, but the only help we extended was shovel the snow from her driveway one time. I feel really bad about not trying to reach out. I have no excuses for it. I know her daughter and her family are cleaning up her house now (I see the trash bags piling up) for the past two days. Do I go over with flowers? A card? Do I leave a card in the mailbox? Do I ignore? I want to extend an offer to help with anything that I can, since I'm right next door and obviously much closer than where her daughter lives. I can't offer any physical help, nor can I cook, so should I just not offer help at all? What's the best way to acknowledge that I'm sorry about their loss?

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posted at 7/31/2007 04:50:00 PM

9 Comments:

  • Mybrid, I would NOT recommend ignoring the situation. I don't think that it is necessary to leave flowers or a card, however at least acknowledging their loss let's them know you care. No need to go over board although all those gestures are nice, but I think for someone you didn't know, just saying kind words and giving your condolences is enough. Good luck!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:41 PM, July 31, 2007  

  • When my dad passed away suddenly, the neighbors here came out of the woodwork. People who had never so much as said, "good morning" were at my mom's door with flowers, sodas, booze, cards, food, and some just said how sorry they were to hear about our loss. It was very touching and helped tremendously when we needed strength.

    I guess my advice is *any of the above* - all are special to those grieving.

    Great post, thanks for being brave enough to ask!

    By Blogger Sara Sue, at 2:57 AM, August 01, 2007  

  • I agree with anonymous & sara sue. Just going over & offering your condolences is the best.

    By Blogger FreeOscar, at 5:59 AM, August 01, 2007  

  • Having just been through that situation from the other side with my aunt, offering your condolences is fine. (Ugh...the cleaning out of the house - I hate that part the most.)

    By Blogger here today, gone tomorrow, at 6:54 AM, August 01, 2007  

  • An expression of sympathy or understanding is always appreciated. I agree with HT/GT when it comes to cleaning stuff out. God, that is awful. That's best left for close family members.

    By Blogger Mike, at 7:37 AM, August 01, 2007  

  • I think that this all depends on your personality and what you are comfortable with. If you are ok with approaching and speaking with the family, I think that along with a card or flowers is appropriate. Although - I know from experience that several passings of people I have known, the family almost always preferred a donation to a charity that the deceased was involved in or a cause re: their illness or cause of death. If you are comfy asking about that - then that is also a solution. Flowers die, but if you help fund research for their ailment or their cause, then you are helping another person through their death. Make sense?

    Whatever way you choose to do it - I think it is best not to ignore situation and approach the family. They will be humbled that you do.the

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:50 AM, August 01, 2007  

  • Thank you everyone for your wonderful suggestions and ideas. I particularly like the idea of the donation to a specific cause. I believe she died of Lung Cancer, but am not sure. I'll pay a visit today and express my condolensces. I'm scared that I waited too long to do it, but I am thinking maybe the family needed some time to be on their own.

    Thanks again everyone!

    By Blogger Mybrid, at 8:53 AM, August 01, 2007  

  • I think all the advice you got was good, and would not be worried about it having taken too long- people are usually grateful whenever you show up or send a card.

    By Blogger Forrest Proper, at 10:57 AM, August 01, 2007  

  • The fact that you're worried you haven't done enough just shows how very dear you are, Mybrid.

    By Blogger Sara Sue, at 2:09 AM, August 02, 2007  

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