My health is like a sinking ship

I've tried really hard to escape writing about my health on this blog, yet somehow it creeps up more often than I'd like to. The problem is that my health has been on my mind 24/7 for the past three months and 23/7 for the past year. It's difficult to ignore something that is constantly on your mind. It's like talking to someone with something stuck between their teeth. You're dying to tell them because that's all you can see, but you're fighting the urge of what is socially acceptable or unacceptable.

I was raised by some very Polish parents. If anyone has ever met Polish parents than they know what I'm referring to by saying "very." It means, hugs are not common. Two kisses on each cheek to say hello and goodbye. Talking about anything intimate or personal is strictly forbidden. Mentioning some words of some body parts is punishable by execution. You wear shoes everywhere you go, including inside the house. You do not let your newborn run around naked in the pool. You use a knife and fork to eat Popeyes chicken. And you're always polite.

So what do I get to deal with? The one disease that deals me only words that I was taught never to say in public. The one disease that involves all the internal organs and bodily functions that should not be discussed out loud. None of my readers will truly appreciate the tremendous conflict this has caused in my life because none of you have these issues of feeling outright embarrassed at having to say some words describing intimate organs and some bodily fluids.

Here I am, sitting in front of my surgeon and trying to describe to him my symptoms and concerns without mentioning the forbidden words. This is like attempting to read War and Peace out loud without the nouns. I am seriously considering Show and Tell in future appointments. A power point presentation of some sort. Mike's recent post came at the right time. This is exactly what I need to do to talk about my health with future doctors. (As soon as I figure out the international symbol for gas).

Some of you may have jumped into this blog without knowing the history. So here's a recap. I have Crohn's Disease, Osteoporosis, Colitic Arthritis, Peritoneal Cysts and Periodic Leg Movement Disorder. I've dealt with Crohn's disease 28 years. With this disease being an autoimmune disease where the body attacks itself, I've had to deal with all the other side effects as well, which is why there's a list of more than just one disease.

[Disclaimer: If you have a weak heart when reading about medical conditions and procedures, DO NOT READ ON!!!]

I've been through 17 surgeries and procedures under full anesthesia. I've been through countless x-rays, MRI's, CT Scans, IV treatments, medications, TPN. Anything one can imagine besides chemotherapy. I've been seen by over 50 doctors in over a dozen hospitals. My case has been diagnosed as Severe (duh!).

The surgical procedure I had been through two days ago was the fifth time I'm undergoing this, but this time it's with a twist. My body produces fluids in the abdomen. These fluids cannot escape due to abdominal adhesions from all the surgeries. So they collect there until I can no longer walk because it's pressing on the nerves that connect my body to my legs. Then I go to Johns #*@&ing Hopkins and get the fluids aspirated.

This time the surgeon (a cardiovascular intervention radiologist) decided to perform alcohol sclerosis. I know this sounds rather appealing to those among you who have an appreciation for alcohol, but I don't. Not when the surgeon leaves a tube in my abdomen and tells me to insert 100cc alcohol through it twice a day for the next week.

I can deal with the tube. I can deal with injecting it with alcohol. I CAN'T deal with the horrendous pains once the alcohol is inside and pressing on all my nerves in the leg. So that's why I'm on pain medication.

I know it's only for five more days, but damn this is so wrong timing for it!!! (Will be explained in another post).

I hate this disease. I hate that it makes me think about it 24/7. I hate this self pity. I hate feeling that I'm not like everyone else. I just want to be normal, damnnit.

Ok, I'm done with this self pity party and going back to effective distraction methods. Like dinner with the Kikuyu neighbours.

I'll appreciate only comments that will make me laugh. But then again, be gentle. It only hurts when I laugh.