It's a happy day

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MTRAIN!!!

No, I did not forget. But believe it or not I have no time to even email!

Hope you had an awesome day.

Ramadan Mubarak and Shana Tova

Once in thirty years the Jewish New Year (Rosh Hashanna) falls on the same day as Ramadan. It occurs then for three consecutive years. Last year, this year and next year. And then it won't happen again for another 30 years.

I wish the great religious leaders of Judaism and Islam would have grabbed the opportunity to find what we have in common. Because only when we find what's in common between us, can we truly reach a good friendship and understanding. But as long as we try to find our differences - there's no hope in ever reaching a common ground and the ever-elusive peace.

So here's to a lunar calendar and to a new beginning!

Shana Tova to all Jews and Ramadan Mubarak to all Muslims.

About bags and nuts

My husband and I were playing hosts to friends of ours who came to town last week. As we were walking down town and looking through the stores, a stand with new bags caught my attention. I have this fetish for bags. I just love buying new bags.

As I was considering buying the bag, I decided to hold myself back, and to make light of my obsession with bags. So I asked my husband, "I wonder if there's a name to people who love buying new bags like I do?" He just shrugged. I was expecting him to say Bag Lady, but he didn't (though someone else did).

I started mumbling out loud the different options for what it'd be called, when I stopped on "bag nut" and in my typical dyslexic Hebrew manner switched the words around and said "nut bag" - at this point, my husband piped up and said, "No, that'd be scrotum!"

The discussion before having babies

My husband and I are in the process of considering children. This has been under consideration for eight years. This year I've finally made the first steps at being more serious about it. I finished reading the book about adoptions. Then I read another book written by adoptive parents. I was all ready for starting the process when I decided to get the final medical opinion that says, "no, you cannot have children." I've known this for several years, and I've been positive about it for a year.

The doctor's appointment was two weeks ago. The news weren't as clear cut as I expected. Turns out that there is indeed a 1% chance I could get pregnant (0% being a miracle, and a 100% being - "you're pregnant").

I've been mentally getting myself ready for raising a 4 year-old and skipping over that infant stage (which I really don't care for and can live without). But now I have to come to terms with the slight possibility that I could indeed end up raising an infant.

Of course the only way that would happen is through IVF treatments, and if I take my sister-in-law's offer to carry our baby. Her offer is six-years old, and she renews it on a regular basis. Meanwhile, she's had three kids.

On the first night of finding out that we could end up having our own child after all, we were lying in bed discussing the future child and all the legal implications of his sister possibly carrying our baby.

Mybrid: "I want to make sure that if it's a male he's circumcized."
Ybrid (Mybrid's husband): "My sister wouldn't oppose it. After all I'm circumcized!"
Mybrid [looking slightly embarrassed, trying not to look retarded]: "???"
YBrid [catching on rather quick, considering we've been married for almost 14 years]: "You know I'm circumcized!"
Mybrid [recalling numerous times he's mentioned it in public, but always wondering if he's lying]: "How am I supposed to know that???"
YBrid [trying to hide his laugh, but can't find any words]
Mybrid [in frustration]: "I grew up in Israel where everyone is circumcized. You were my first! How am I supposed to know what a non-circumcized male looks like? It's not like I can get online look at porn online and run back to the bedroom to compare to yours!"
YBrid [can no longer hold his laughter and is busting out laughing]
Mybrid [feeling slightly hurt]: "What's so funny?! I mean com'n, seriously, how am I supposed to know the difference?"
YBrid: "I dunno. I just have this image of a police line-up and all these men standing there with luggage, and one is wearing a hat!"
Mybrid [in a fit of laughter]: "What do you want me to do, line up all my male friends and check who's wearing a hat?"
YBrid [jumps out of bed, grabs a knitted cap from the top of the dresser and puts it on his head]: "Okay, this is non-circumcized" [pulls cap down all the way on his face] "and this is non-circumcized with an erection!" ...."it's the difference between wearing a t-shirt and a turtle neck!"

Happy New Year! 5767

My blog is down to zero visitors a day. I guess that's what happens when you don't write every single day. I've been too busy with work and life to find any time to answer emails or write in my blog.

Today I'm cooking for Rosh Hashanna in anticipation of several of my best friends joining me for the big dinner.

I'd love to spend more time writing (because I enjoy it), but I need to rush to the store to get the most important ingredient for dinner tonight. Apparently, I forgot to buy the chicken last night!

When I text messaged my husband with this revealation, he texted me back with "are we going vegeterian?"

It seems that my blog will have to become a weekly blog instead of a semi daily. So from now on, expect a post on weekends. Possibly, multiple posts, if I have time during the weekend.

Wishing all the Jewish bloggers Shana Tova Umtuka!

How does a Panda cub sneeze?

Overwhelmed with work

The reason I haven't been writing much lately is because I'm overwhelmed with work. Putting in 10 hours every day, commuting 2 hours. Working weekends. I'm at my limits. Don't have any free brain cells to sit and write. But I do have topics to write about, just can't concentrate on it when I'm stressed.

I just created a TO DO list for myself and a new coworker who was sent to help me out - 68 activities. Each one takes an hour or longer, and this is all for THIS WEEK.

I'm overwhelmed. I've sent an email to my boss to send me more help. Tomorrow I'll have to convince the client to pay for it. Wish me luck.

What men are good for

Welcome to Israel, Little Princess

Little Princess is the name of world record stork. Longest tracked stork in history. Today she has entered Israel in her 13th year of migration from Germany up north, through Israel to the warmer south to spend the winter in Sudan.

She has passed over 240,000km in her lifetime.

She's been places. Ten days ago she left a little village in Germany and passed through Poland, Slovakia and Romania. She will return from Sudan through Israel in the Spring (March) on the way back to Germany.

She's not alone when she passes through Israel. Every year 600,000 storks pass through Israel. This is a momentous occasion for bird watchers to view this beautiful bird. They stop in different places on their way down south. Some are regular places with man-made lakes that allow them to fish and fill up. But sometimes, like a couple of years ago, they land right across my parents' home, and I get a frantic phone call from my mother begging me to teach her in half a minute how to operate my dad's camera. I don't know if she did get to take that picture. But I'll always remember the excitement in her voice when they landed in our front yard.

Little Princess is at least 15 years old. She was tagged when she was two years old. A stork lives between 15 and 20 years. Little Princess has over 25 little ones. Her current lover is her third one.

You can read more about Little Princess and her historical tracking record, here and here.

To see where she is every day, you'll need to learn German, but I imagine Prinzesschen is Little Princess.

So welcome, Little Princess, and thank you for bringing more babies to the world. Keep up the good work.

Crocodile Hunter killed by Stingray

Crikey, I liked him! I can't believe Steve Irwin got killed doing what he loves so much and by the creatures he adored. It's so sad. I don't think anyone can replace him.

Rest in peace, Crocodile Hunter.

Breaking news

A British company is developing computer chips that store music in women's breast implants.

This is a major breakthrough as women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

I'm an American Citizen

It's official. On Sept. 1st, 2006 I became an American citizen. I no longer need to update the Immigration offices of my whereabouts, since they obviously have no clue where every legal alien lives. I no longer need to be concerned about the American federal government failing to communicate with itself. You see, this government suffers from a serious case of split personality. The immigration offices, nicknamed for this story - Amy, has no means of communication with the IRS, nicknamed here Ira. Amy and Ira are two personalities within the same body. But neither knows of each other's existence. Ira knows I live in Maryland, because I tell Ira every year where I live. This apparently, doesn't stop Amy from asking me repeatedly "so where do you live?"

Ira and Amy are each on its own very efficient entities. They have their own methods of doing things. Ira keeps an addressbook of all his friends. Amy...well, Amy is a bit of a scatter brain. She doesn't have an addressbook. She depends on other good hearted people to tell her every time they move. She's not nearly as stubborn as her alter-ego. She just assumes everyone has good intentions and will tell her when they move.

Amy is of course the victim of her own ways. When Sept. 11th happened, she was caught off guard because she had no idea where all her friends were. Ira knew. But because she doesn't know of Ira's existence she didn't ask him. So she did what she thought was best - ask all her legal friends to update their current address in her addressbook. She's innocent this way. She doesn't realise that those who have ill intentions for her will never do what she asks them nicely.

Ira is much smarter of course. Ira has his own methods of finding out what you're hiding from him.

Some of you probably caught on that one must approach Ira and Amy's parents and ask them what the deal is. Why can't the parents force these multiple personalities to communicate?

Ah, well...the parents are separated. Mr. & Mrs. Fed don't talk any more. After some outside intervention they came up with a brilliant idea called DHS. DHS is a psychiatric service that addresses multiple personalities and tries to find ways to make them communicate with each other.

So far it's been limited success. But that's where I come in. That's why I became a citizen. I want to help Amy and Ira and all the rest of the personalities that are being treated by DHS. I want them to realise that it really shouldn't be a separate $70 charge for every time I fill up a form with a government agency to get my finger prints processed. It should only take ONE TIME. One person can keep track of all finger prints and everyone else should go to that one person to ask for a verification. It would reduce the costs tremendously and improve on the efficiency all around. Nor should Amy have to rely on good natured people to update their addresses. Amy should have free access to Ira's records. They're the same freaking person, for pete's sake!

Yes, I'm a citizen, and I take this duty very seriously. Freedom of Speech and all.